Today has been a day of promise. Of tentative hope. There are seasons in our lives when we lose sight of hope and we find ourselves hope-less. In these times we live less. Less loved, less joyful, less known. Then there are days when hope springs forth and kisses us full on the lips! Those moments are mind blowing – even life saving!
Today, upon reflecting, I am amused to remember a certificate I hold. It says I can save lives by being the captain of a lifeboat!! Me?! LOL In case of an emergency at sea, I am the one that must shepherd panicking passengers at my muster station, count them all and ensure they are transferred safely (and speedily!) into my somewhat tiny and fragile looking boat. Once aboard and lowered down gingerly into the waves we can then sail off towards the stunning sunset, safe and sound. Right? Maybe in theory! I’m one glad seafarer that has never had to put my theory exam into practice because I can’t even captain my own life ‘successfully’ never mind anyone elses!!
My experience of being the highest ranking female onboard a ship of 5000 people can have its drawbacks. When once again I find my land legs I surmise that I am indeed an expert at Captaining my own decisions, alas often careering straight into icebergs! I find it hard to prise my fingers off the steering wheel and hand it over to the actual Captain and Father of my life! Convinced I know the course to navigate, I fix my eyes on the horizon, where the sky meets the sea, oblivious to the crashing chaos that surrounds me. As the gigantic waves pound my delicate vessel and the torrential rain takes its toll on me, I lose sight of the very one who calms the storms and carries me through them. I DO all I can to ‘row my own boat’, when all I need to do is let go and sink into Father’s strong arms which are waiting to draw me out of deep waters. My course was never his. My navigational skills leave a lot to be desired and on several terrifying occasions I’ve nearly lost my life at sea.
The journey I’m on at the moment allows me to let go, lie back and be lifted up into his protective arms. I’m learning to ask him to enable me to be carried and be close. Closer to him than my breath is to me. I have no idea where I’m going with him or when I’ll arrive but I’ve dropped the oars and I don’t want to be the Cox! The helm is no longer mine, it’s his.
Today I see a radiant rainbow in my village as I drive home. It shines the brightest I’ve ever seen a rainbow shine. No photgraph can do it justice but I know it was for me – a buoy in my waters, a promise to remind me that I don’t have to suffer in the seas and that I AM making headway; but IN his arms and not using my own!