Holding on to me

It was another one of those days.  Relentless stress hammered me from every corner of my life.  My chest felt so tight, my breath so short.  My hands shook uncontrollably and thoughts raced through my mind at a million miles an hour.  What if? Why? When? How? I can’t cope any more.  Not one second can I stand this pressure!  The overwhelming fear and anxiety crippled me.  Again.

I collapsed onto my bed, sobbing, lying on my back and listening to a song that had just come on my ipod.

Pieces.

I felt like my life was in Pieces but this song spoke something different to me.  As I listened, as I lay there in tears, I heard reassuring words telling me how Papa God loves….

‘Your love’s not fractured
It’s not a troubled mind
It isn’t anxious
It’s not the restless kind
Your love’s not passive
It’s never disengaged
It’s always present
It hangs on every word we say
Love keeps its promises
It keep its word
It honors what’s sacred
‘Cause its vows are good
Your love’s not broken
It’s not insecure
Your love’s not selfish
Your love is pure

I meditated.
I repeated those words to my heart and I started to believe that Papa could love me the way He was telling me.

Suddenly, as my painful world continued to spin, I saw a moving picture form in my mind.  I saw myself as Papa’s child being held tightly by his two hands as he spun me around and around lifting me off the ground. I squealed almost in fear but he spoke to me firmly and lovingly saying, ‘Just look into my eyes.  I hold your hands.  Focus on me, look at my face.  Don’t look at the world that spins chaotically around you now.  Just keep looking in my eyes of love.  It’s not your responsibility to strive to hold onto me because I hold YOU.  All you have to do is keep your eyes locked in mine and trust me.  Know that I am loving you right now.  In the middle of your storm, I am strong, reliable and you are secure in my love for you’.

It was only a few minutes of snatched time that I had in my bedroom for it was rudely interrupted by shouts of fighting downstairs.  BUT that precious, moment, that real and life changing encounter with Daddy God impressed on me that He is ALWAYS talking to us.  We just need to stop and listen.

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The world stopped spinning…

The world stopped spinning today! It really, actually did.
My world. I was sitting amidst the pandemonium that is ‘after school home works, snacks and chats’ and all of a sudden everything around me seemed quieter and dulled and the words of a song pierced my soul. I’d never ‘heard’ this song before yet I’ve listened to it a hundred times. Father God spoke to me. 

Clearly. 

Succinctly. 

I heard his voice through the words of the song and I immediately penned a response. 

I couldn’t tell you now what song it was and perhaps I’ll never know for it was my unique moment in time when my daddy stopped the world from spinning just for me. Just to tell me, that he is loving me. 

Right now. 

Here. 

In the chaos, in the mystery, in life. 


In this moment the chaos ceases,

My world stops and I go to pieces.

Your voice burns into my heart, 

as you tell me it’s ok to fall apart.

My baby steps are gigantic leaps,

leading into your unending peace. 

You pause my day,  just to tell me

that we’re in love, so deeply.

The creator of life serenades me,

a love song so melodic and sweet,

so strong and piercing I cannot deny

It reaches deep inside my sighs. 

The moment passes, I move on

but the words you spoke are never gone. 



Zephaniah 3:17

For the Lord your God is living among you.

He is a mighty saviour.

He will take delight in you with gladness.

 With his love, he will calm all your fears.

He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

  

Unworthy Princess

When thoughts of unworthy came to mind, you whisper, ‘Princess you are mine’, 

When the weight is heavy in my chest, you invite me to stroll by brooks of rest, 

You remind me you’ve counted all of my days,  yet I’ve learnt to exist in a foggy haze, 

Your arms embrace me, holding me near but I need to let go of the friend called fear. 

When I’m calling your name from the depths of my pain, You answer my cry again and again, 

When I’m overwhelmed by life’s busy call, I’m reminded you’re my all in all. 

You walk beside me, and behind, Offering release from the chains that bind, 

You hold my hand, as I struggle to cope, Reminding me gently that you are my hope.