Holding on to me

It was another one of those days.  Relentless stress hammered me from every corner of my life.  My chest felt so tight, my breath so short.  My hands shook uncontrollably and thoughts raced through my mind at a million miles an hour.  What if? Why? When? How? I can’t cope any more.  Not one second can I stand this pressure!  The overwhelming fear and anxiety crippled me.  Again.

I collapsed onto my bed, sobbing, lying on my back and listening to a song that had just come on my ipod.


I felt like my life was in Pieces but this song spoke something different to me.  As I listened, as I lay there in tears, I heard reassuring words telling me how Papa God loves….

‘Your love’s not fractured
It’s not a troubled mind
It isn’t anxious
It’s not the restless kind
Your love’s not passive
It’s never disengaged
It’s always present
It hangs on every word we say
Love keeps its promises
It keep its word
It honors what’s sacred
‘Cause its vows are good
Your love’s not broken
It’s not insecure
Your love’s not selfish
Your love is pure

I meditated.
I repeated those words to my heart and I started to believe that Papa could love me the way He was telling me.

Suddenly, as my painful world continued to spin, I saw a moving picture form in my mind.  I saw myself as Papa’s child being held tightly by his two hands as he spun me around and around lifting me off the ground. I squealed almost in fear but he spoke to me firmly and lovingly saying, ‘Just look into my eyes.  I hold your hands.  Focus on me, look at my face.  Don’t look at the world that spins chaotically around you now.  Just keep looking in my eyes of love.  It’s not your responsibility to strive to hold onto me because I hold YOU.  All you have to do is keep your eyes locked in mine and trust me.  Know that I am loving you right now.  In the middle of your storm, I am strong, reliable and you are secure in my love for you’.

It was only a few minutes of snatched time that I had in my bedroom for it was rudely interrupted by shouts of fighting downstairs.  BUT that precious, moment, that real and life changing encounter with Daddy God impressed on me that He is ALWAYS talking to us.  We just need to stop and listen.


25 Days of Beauty Wonder. Advent Calendar Day 22

I thought I knew how to do smokey eyes….until I used this nifty little brush under door 22!   


What a difference it made to technique and results!  I’ve been stuck in a rut using an ordinary eyeshadow brush but it’s all change from today.  Tools really do make a difference.  If you’re asking Santa for anything, trust me, my top item has just changed from Baileys to brushes!  


Without the right brush smokey eyes are smudges, blushed cheeks are blotches and hot lips are horlicks!!

And without Father God I’m hopeless. 

There are times when you’re going through storms and your eyes are on other people to pull you through and rescue you. But despite the life buoys there really is only one saviour, one anchor, one rescuer.  

It’s important to remember the words of your father.  Proverbs 13:12 ‘Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.’  Hope for the wonderful things he has planned for you. Believe for the healing of your heart. Refuse to allow hope to be stolen and replaced with depression.  Your good father has so much for you. 


Open my ‘smokey’ eyes father. Show me how you love me.  Only you will do. 



25 Days of Beauty Wonder. Advent Calendar Day 19

Day 19!

The countdown to the big day continues!  With only 6 more sleeps to go the excitement is building in our house!!

Behind door 19,  No7 gifts me with a small neutral eye shadow.  Subtly shimmery, this tiny treat lends itself quite nicely to my snatched seconds of preparation before heading out with hubster and friends tonight. Showered and moisturised my naked face awaits, a blank canvas.  First, a creamy base coat on my eyes, followed by an all over light dusting of my new eye colour.  It provides satisfying coverage and that all important Christmas SHIMMER!  Perfect for partying!  

7 hours later (1am and more than a little jaded from the night’s activities!) and lo and behold, I award the product a great 10/10!  Coverage complete and shimmer is still there!  My eyelids look like they did at 6pm when I first transformed them from tired mummy eyes to glittery ‘go get ’em eyes!   I’m well impressed and No7 get the thumbs up before I collapse into bed!  

Nude Eye make up pallets have boomed in popularity this year .  My daughter’s Christmas list certainly reflects that!!   ‘Surely one pallet will do?’ I question her, only to be given ‘the look’ that says ‘DON’T be ridiculous mummy!! You can never have enough pallets!!!’One pallet, with 40 shades of NUDE bewilders me but there again I’m no expert eye artist!  

Nude is a very vulnerable state to be in. Whether it be physically, emotionally or spiritually…being naked involves strength, courage and trust. If you’ve been abused and taken advantage of in the past then being naked can be torture, trusting others too scary to attempt, opening your heart too risky.  

Emotional nakedness…allow yourself to be YOU!  Remove the make up mask and reveal the beauty of your rawness.  Strip back the charade.  Can you?   Would you?  Are you trapped outside of relationship, love and freedom while others inside make merry, eat, drink and share their lives with each other.  Are you ‘yourself’ when out with friends?  Or does your past imprison you?  

What stops you being vulnerable, honest and naked?  My nude little eyeshadow prompted many questions in my heart tonight.  At the end of the day, if you can’t be honest with your friends then they’re not truly your friends. (A wise man told me that last week and not one from a nativity play!) 

Choose wisely dear ones, and make Father the keeper of your heart.  Appreciate and trust your genuine friends because they’re few and far between but they’re God given. 💜

There’s a friend that is closer than a brother.  Embrace him today and ask him to enable you to love the person in the mirror and live loved.