Depression sucks

I know someone who feels like this…..

  
I’m sorry I didn’t answer the phone. 

I was here in the empty house, all alone. 

Keeping myself well away from my friends,

writing long texts but not pressing send. 

Listening still, to the negative voice,

too weak to make yet another choice. 

‘Everyone thinks you’re a tiresome bore,

Keeping in touch, such a thankless chore. 

No one likes you and Nobody cares,

No one wants you anywhere.’ 

So I won’t go out, but I hate to stay in,

I need to be known, but I won’t let you in,

I want to be nice but it’s too hard to try, 

I don’t want to live, but I don’t want to die. 

Depression I hate you, anxiety too. 

Endlessly stuck in the world of confused. 

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25 Days of Beauty Wonders. Advent Calendar Day 12

‘Perfect Pink Pout’ the door declares!  It can take quite a while to achieve the Perfect Pucker but BB lips No7 Beautiful Balm is the ideal kissy companion!   

  

Giving the tube a delicate squeeze, I find ointment that glides on gladly, giving a glossy, ever so subtle pink tint on my lips.  It’s shiny, it’s moisturising and it’s lasting.  Almost perfect.  But not quite!  What puts me off this product, is the taste.  It is distinctly ‘suncreamy’ and my mouth fills with the savour of SPF.  It is very honourable of No7 to consider our lips in the blazing sunshine but it definitely leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. Pun intended!  

  

There are days when nothing seems right.  The lip balm taste is just the tip of the iceberg.  My attitude, my mood, my mothering ‘skill’s, my connection with hubby…I never do it good enough!   Almost perfect but the clipboard is out and the checklist is very long!  Why can’t all the boxes be ticked for once?  Why can’t I just be different, better…

  

Today, as I lay in a dark room, I cried out to Father and he answered me saying, ‘I’m closer than your breath.  I’m loving you here, now, in this moment.’ I heard him clearly and lovingly and I listened. The self-critical voices were drowned out as I meditated on what he had just spoken to me.  The truth in his words gave me the strength I needed, right there and then, to carry on, accepting my imperfections, knowing that he loves as I am. Now.

  

He’s closer than your breath; Come to him.